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As I mentioned earlier, before telling you what you need to do to apply this method, I’ll start with why we need to start with why.

First, according to science, one way to motivate people to do something is the power of story. “What” is not a story, it’s a command. But, if you start with “why” you tell the background, you make the people understand more.

For example, I have an issue with my water faucet in the bathroom. You need to manually turn it off if not, the water will keep flowing. My partner usually forgot to turn it off. So, I want her to remember it.

Instead of telling her “Hey dear, don’t forget to turn off the water once you ready”. I explained turning the water off makes my water bill a cheaper in the previous 2 months, and after that remind her to always turn the water off. The results? She got the message, no defensive arguments, and she always remembers to do it.

People are far more likely to accept a change if we understand the reason for it. For example, we will be so angry if we stuck in the traffic jam for 30 min without moving. But after we know that it happens because of a terrible accident and we see the victim laying down in the street, our emotion turns from anger to pity.

Second, people will react favorably if we make them feel that we consider them honest, upright, and fair.

Dale Carnegie in his famous book “How to win friends and influence people” explained 1 principle on how to make people like you, it is “Appeal to the nobler motives”. In this part, he explained that before you ask other people to do something, explain the motives, and explain how this activity has strong correlation with that person.

In this book, he also mentioned that people are far more interested in themselves and their own problems than they are in us and our problems.

So, the next time you want to ask something from other people, remember that oversharing your problem with them will not help.

Source :

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