How I Let Drinking Take Over My Life

I had one goal: to get as lean as possible. I followed my coach’s meal plans to a T, never missed a workout, and would stay in the gym for multiple hours in order to fit everything in. Balance wasn’t even in my thoughts. I became obsessive, restricting myself to stick to the plan. I started turning down social events with friends because I thought it would get in the way of my workout regimen or my meal plan.

I pushed down the fun, spontaneous side of me in favor of dedication and progress. I started to seriously lean out, but simultaneously, I was also isolating myself from the people I loved more and more. I stopped getting my period. My metabolism started shutting down since I wasn’t giving my body enough food to run on. And most of all, friends and family, people who truly cared about me, were all sharing the same concerns—that this competition prep was taking over my life and changing who I was.

Luckily, I listened to them. I decided to press pause on the bikini competition and take a step back. And as I did, I realized I had gone too far. This prep had taken over my life and my sense of “me." After spending almost a year doing the BBG program and going directly into this prep life, I had become far more obsessive than could do me good.

I decided to give up the goal of the bikini competition entirely and give myself a bit of a break. I went out with friends, I didn't pay any mind to calories, I didn't restrict myself from any food group. It was liberating at first, but it soon became a struggle for me to find the balance. Either I was counting calories and not allowing myself any more than 800 calories a day and 50 grams carbs or I was going out every weekend, drinking with my friends, eating junk food for each meal because I thought that was balance.

For months, I went between the two extremes and essentially shocked my metabolism into nonexistence. I stopped seeing any sort of forward progression. No matter how much cardio and lifting I did, I could not get my "dream figure" back.

Finally, I had enough. I was so tired of yo-yoing and I decided it was time to find actual, real, genuine balance.

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